The Naked Truth

Well I’ll try not to embellish this next story too much, for it has already been stripped down to the bare essentials.

The day is June 14^th 2008 and we (the band TapWater) were doing our usual promoting Travelin’ TapWater style, which for those of you who don’t know, is our acoustic band doing street promotions. The location is in the Hawthorn district in Portland Oregon which I have come to love a whole helluva lot. We posted up outside the Bagdad next to a bus stop and found a couple of local musicians and started to jam. Upon completion of our jam, someone who had been looking at the local paper exclaimed “Hey, the largest nude bicycle ride in North America is happening tonight here in Portland at 11:59 PM”.

Not surprisingly, we all looked at each other with that all knowing look. We all knew what each other was thinking. Let’s go there and play music…. NAKED! So we all popped into Bud- our new 80’s something Silverado and headed for the rally on night that was shall we say a wee bit nippy. “You’re not really going to play naked are you?” says Anne (our band manager). “I don’t want to see that” she says through her laughter.

“Don’t look” I reply. Simon and I were wishing we had our bikes. We wanted to actually do the ride.

When we got there, we all found out why this was the largest nude bike ride in North America. There were well over a thousand people already there anywhere from somewhat clothed to skin. They were everywhere in all different shapes sizes and color with an electrical excitement filling the air. They had rented these empty warehouses and had DJ’s and dancing and body painting and 2 dollar Fat Tire Ales. The energy was amazing. Personally, I thought that it would be a riot if someone was selling hot dogs. When I looked back Wes and Simon were already down to there skibbys setting up our gear. So I kicked off my shoes and stripped down to join my comrades. As soon as we stared playing, a van full of girls pull up jumped out stripped down and started dancing in the street right in front of us. It caught on like a wild fire for within about two minutes there were hundreds of people dancing naked or partially clothed in the street with us. Then all of the people started flooding out of the warehouse parties and grabbed their bikes to get ready to go. To our surprise we were on the start line. Well at about 12:10 AM the entire place erupted with a roaring howl at the near full moon and the ride finally commenced.

I feel I should tell you that we did NOT stop playing at this time. All of a sudden and for the next 7 or 8 minutes or so we were passed by approximately 1,500 nude persons, all pedaling to their hearts content all cheering for us as they rode by. Finally the last of the bikes had gone by and it was time to pack it in and go home. So we did. I guess I feel we got lucky again. Lucky to have been exposed to such a glorious event. Lucky to be able to participate in our own way as another chapter of life in a band on the road comes to a clothes.

Feeling Sentimental

This morning I woke up feeling sentimental. I feel extremely lucky, on one hand, to have so many people in my life that I consider good friends. On the other hand, there’s a lot of responsibility to maintaining those friendships. I realize how hard it is to stay connected. I would love to have all of the time and money in the world to spend on all of my loved ones. However it is next to impossible to do so with all that I endeavor in. The band takes a tremendous amount of time. When I’m not doing the band, I have to work to pay the bills, yada, yada, yada. I call people and wish I could say, hey, I think I’ll fly to Tulsa and see my lifelong friend Steve Barker or to Wisconsin to see my mom. Then I think about all of the people on the road. This is when it hit me. When we tour, we are so fortunate to get to reunite with family and friends. Through touring I’ve personally been reunited with old high school buddies that I lost contact with 10 years ago that moved away and looked me up on the web and came to a show. Like Dean and Eric in Marin county near San Francisco, and Makana in Oakland. I also have been able to connect with my little brother and step mom in Edmunds near Seattle. How about Andi in Austin? Ryan lives in Bend. I just got to see him last summer. And Steve’s family in Concord and Wes’s family in Atlanta and Tims family in Phoenix, Lisa and Che in Sedona and all the new friends we’ve made along the road. I guess that I just feel lucky…lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life. People like you. So if I haven’t talked to you in a while, I’m sure that we will soon. Hopefully I’ll see you in person. Regardless, I just want you all to know that I love you. You make my life richer just to know you, and I am thankful for that. Peace -Ravi

You can't have your coffee and drink it too!

Have you ever done anything dumb? I mean really Stupid. One of those things or times where your just like Oh my GOD I can't believe that I just did that. I feel like I should win the Darwin award, except for the fact I didn't die in the process. So see if you can find out my folly in the following set of events.

So I wake up the smorning and, you know those days where your still half or mostly asleep but have some sense of illusion that your awake-you know, eyes are open, your walking around and for the most part navigating the inside of your house without bumping into too many things...yeah that was me mere hours ago. No that wasn't the mistake, or maybe it was.

So I think to myself, I could really use a cup of coffee. Simple nuff. So off to the freezer to pull out the can of Trader Joe's French Vanilla coffee beans and pour them into the grinder, set the grinder at 8 cups and push the button to start the grinding process. Next, I plug in the coffee maker, go to the cupboard and pull a filter out of the box, put the box away and insert the coffee filter into the appropriate place in the coffee maker. Next I take the coffee pot and rinse it out and put it in the dish drainer upside down to dry. Then, I grab a bottle of water and pour it into the back of the coffee maker until the little bubble indicator on the front says that-no shows that it has reached the 8 cup mark. (the bubble indicator doesn't say anything.) and put the rest of the bottle of water away. Now, to be ready for when it's done, I fetch my usual coffee mug, and the french vanilla creamer out of the fridge, and one teaspoon to stir it with. OK! That should do it. I'm all ready now. I have successfully survived the coffee making process. And barely even realizing that I, yes I, am still not completely awake. So in comes my finger out toward the on button. Yes that one button that turns the whole shebang on and makes this fully automatic coffee maker make the coffee.

OK about five minutes and I will be enjoying my cup of Joe at the kitchen table with the curtains open to let the morning light in while nestling my nose into the funnies of today's newspaper. And with that I retreat back into the bedroom to draw the shades-I've been trying to brush up on my artwork lately, but all I had was a red ball point pen.

So didja kechit? did you see my miraculous blunder, the one piece that I left out of the equation? I'll give ya a hint: The next thing I know is that someone is calling into the kitchen to spend the next 20 minutes cleaning a serious mess, and I have to start all over and make a brand new fresh pot of coffee.

I'll tell you what. I'll send a free copy of our latest CD (Dirt Road Rendezvous) to the first person who correctly identifies my crucial mistake. Leave your response as a comment to this Blog. -Ravi

In Search of Squatsquatch

What is Squatsquatch and why are we searching for it/him/her? There have been recent sightings and signs of a burly looking creature cruising the forests of California, Oregon, and Washington, in what appears to be "Rad Day" shorts and river sandals. It appears that this beast has some sense of modesty and sensitive, tender feet, hence the "Rad Day" shorts and river sandals. We are very curious: What the hell are "Rad Day" shorts? Apparently they were stolen off of a clothesline at some point, and we hope to get a good look at them on our quest and to return them to their previous owner who attaches strong sentimental value to this pair of "unique-looking" shorts.

Sources say that Squatsquatch has some of the most peculiar shaped droppings (skat, dung, feces, excrement, crap, poop, shit, shite, meadow muffins) with an unusual signature on top of the heap, though this may be myth. We also hear this beast likes to hang lights in the forest, but we think this is a load of crap; how would a wild and woolly creature get access to electricity in a forest? There is evidence that Squatsquatch's voice (mating call?) has been recorded by some frightened campers. We will endeavor to render this audio recording for your aural pleasure.

Out on the road, we the good, clean folks of TapWater recreate in wholesome, creative, and fun-loving ways. Along with visiting brewpubs, national parks, and disc golf courses, we are now adding Squatsquatch tracking. We look forward to providing you with video footage of our search and just maybe an actual sighting of this mythical, legendary beast.

Grand Junction On

This last two weeks has been a blast! So much fun in so little time…

After doing a small radio spot in Grand Junction, we hung out with the kind folks at KAFM where they introduced us to the local brewery. Sure enough, we ended up at Palisade Brewery the next day to try all their brews (crafted by Mike Armstrong - Head Brew Master). They invited us to play a small set at their happy hour BBQ. Mike ended up coming out to our show at the Spotlight Lounge that night and hooked us up with some “road brews” as he called them. THEY’RE GOIN’ LIKE WATER MIKE! He must have known we had a few days off.

Those next few days were filled with some of the most beautiful hikes and coolest views I’ve ever seen (I think the “road brews” might have had a little to do with it). Monument Valley, Arches, Bryce Canyon and Zion National Parks are awesome! The Narrows in Zion was TapWater’s favorite hike. I highly recommend getting some river shoes and doing this. Almost 90% of the hike is IN the river with 300 foot red rock walls keeping it nice and cool the whole time. I would love to do this one on a real hot day.

Well, now we’re here at Lisa’s house in beautiful Sedona (oh, darn) and ready for the next few shows. Can’t wait to see what this week has to offer. Hmmm…maybe I’ll go see what Palisade’s brew the cooler has to offer. ‘Till next time…hike on!!!

Peace - Steve

Tooth Hurty Part 2

Well a couple of days go by, the appointment is made. And yes it was for two thirty. Our illustrious band manager and angel from heaven Anne Tropeano had found a wonderful dentist at this place just outside of Denver, CO that coincidently happened to have an opening right about the time we would be rollin’ through town. All right Its my day off, go in for a quick visit to get a new filling put in and I’ll be on my way EEEEEAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Sorry Charley. Do to certain complications yada yada yada… BAM !! I need a $600. root canal and THEY, oh yes THEY, have the time. Oh here comes that sweet strawberry colored bubble gum flavored gel on a cotton swab. And Holy Sheep Sh!t look at the size of that needle. “Open wide please” Oh my God this can’t be happening to me right now. I have shows to play, I have a girlfriend back home, Please God why me, why now.
AAHOOOOOHHYYEAHH. It doesn’t hurt really as bad as it could because of the gel but, I can definitely feel the sensation of that super sharp hypodermic needle sliding into the soft flesh in the back of my mouth between my top and bottom back teeth. Oh thank God that parts over with. Only an hour and a half left to go. Heck yeah let’s do this, bring it on…NOT! For the next eternity I had to endure the drill with the high pitch WHEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee feeling the weight of the doctors arm pushing, drilling, WHEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. “Suction” WHEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeee “Rinse” OH GOD! Meanwhile Anne is sitting there with me patting my foot…”your doing great” she says as my knuckles are ghost white from clinching the armrest with a kung fu grip. Then came the grinder. If you don’t know what the grinder is, it’s the same as the drill with a different head like a grinding wheel. GHGHHGHGGHGGGHHGHGHHGGGHHGHHH! My vision is blurred (like when you put your head on the car window when you’re a kid in the back seat with mom driving down the road) from the force and pressure of the grind, grind, grind. Then they have to use these little files and stick it way down into the freshly created hole and continue to manually bore it out. Only one problem… I felt that. I jerked in the seat and was politely asked to not jump or make sudden movements because the dentist had very sharp objects in my mouth. Oh yeah, like I could of controlled THAT. It happened again. “OK we’ll take care of that” OH NO NOT THE NEEDLE AGAIN. This time penetrating the gums one on the inside, one on the out side. More drilling, more filing. “Rinse”, “Suction” I still felt it. Am I in Hell? All I did was eat a stinKING PIECE OF CANDY !!! “OK I’m really going to put an end to this” .This time the needle gets me in the top, in the bottom, on the sides over and over again. Now my mouth and lips feel like a balloon, I’m surprised my face doesn’t float away. Finally they stop. It was a good thing to because I was shaking the building from my chair. Thank God. It’s over with. EHHHHH ! SUCCERRRRRRRRR! It was truly only a break. Back into my mouth they dive and….well you get the picture. I did make it through though, and now I have to make an appointment to get it crowned when I get home, I love the dentist.
Well that’s it. That’s my story. Well, what am I gonna do now? I think I’ll go have another sour jawbreaker. That should be OK. As long as I don’t try to bite it,… right?

Tooth Hurty Part 1

You know? I like a day off once in a while. I mean, who doesn’t….Right? It means that you get the day’s time to do whatever you want to do with it. I could go play disc golf, or, or go drink beer with Tim, or play my guitar or somethin’ yeah. So you think to yourself…if I could do anything I wanted today..I would….

GET A FREEAKIN’ ROOT CANAL !!!!


You see a couple of weeks ago… no wait, even before that. About a month and a half ago we had a couple of days off of show so we went to Napa Valley to take a well deserved brake. I got lubed that night at the local den of iniquity in town, and stumbling back to the bus I passed by this one store window which I could undeniably, absolutely 100 percent not resist. As my gaze was drawn inward as if compelled by some dreamy mystical magic force, I saw a splendid array of colors swirling all around.
Blues and reds, with purple delight.
Pinks and yellows, oh what a sight.
All cast with this wonderfully bright soft white light. Then, mesmerized, my feet started moving my body in through the front door only to be completely inundated and totally surrounded by……

CANDY !!!!!!!!

Tons of it!
There was lemonheads and cinnamon, and candy bars galore,
Nougats, suckers, and taffee pieces, all within this store.
So I grabbed a bag and started filling and filling and filling and filling…..
I felt like a kid in a candy store.
I grabbed Swedish gummy fish, and truffles, some hard candies and a Bit O Honey,
I grabbed sours and all sorts of taffee and then I gave them my money.
About 29.79 to be exact.
And that’s a fact.

So now we get to the fun stuff….

A few weeks later I get this little hankerin’
so I open up my drawer and pull out my sack
and figure, I’ll throw a couple pieces back
I take out the taffee and unravel the paper pop it into my mouth. And I started to chew and chew and OW!!!! What the heck was that! I had just bitten down hard on something very….very hard. So into my mouth my finger goes to fish out this piece of candy and something bites my finger. No I’m only kidding about that. I pull out this slobbery half chewed piece of taffee and peer at it with an inquisitive eye. Upon close inspection, it is revealed to me that I have solely and successfully single handedly extracted a filling in biting on my back bicuspid and now it was stuck in my candy. Well there’s only one thing left for me to do…..so I pull the filling out, and put this slobbery half chewed piece of taffee back into my mouth and
continued chewin'