This Small Flying Mammal Friend Of Mine

If you think the snigglet is a form of sleep deprivation try having a family of bats living in the walls behind your headboard. Basically, we played this private party in a small and very old town, and in this very old town was this very old hotel which we were put up in. Actually, the owner of the hotel was the guy throwing the party and the place was probably built over a hundred years ago. He's a really nice guy and was very hospitable, which is why I will refrain from giving you the name of the town or the hotel. I don't want to sabotage any future business the poor guy might have.

So everyone in the band knows that I am a very nocturnal person. I'm usually one of the last at the party and also the last to go to bed. Because of that there is a price to pay, which is being the last to choose my sleeping quarters. So what do I get? The room with the bats living in the walls behind the headboard of my bed for the night. As I lay me down to sleep at 3:00 in the morning all I hear, at least a couple feet from my head, is the frolicking and squeaking of about twenty to thirty bats. Not exactly a peaceful lullaby is it. After about twenty minutes of trying to sleep with all the ruckus I look up at the ceiling and see a bat gracefully floating in circles above my bed. Now, at this point I could have done one of two things, which is throw a shoe at the thing and then run down the hall shrieking or lay there and let it have it's way with my room. I was pretty exhausted at this point so I chose the latter. I figured this bat isn't going to attack me in my sleep. Is it? I've never heard of bats who liked to feast on large mammals in there sleep. Although there was that little bit of anxiety that other bats may get out of whatever hole this one made it out of. But it seemed to be the only one for awhile now as I laid there watching it do a figure eight for about an hour now. So I took comfort in that and slowly drifted off to sleep. Even though I was sleeping it seemed there was still this slight nervousness keeping me from a deep sleep. So I tried to think happy thoughts about the bat. For instance, if there were any insects in the room (spiders, mosquitoes, etc.) that this small mammal friend of mine, with its acute senses and lightning fast instincts, would gladly dispose of any unwelcome critters. I mean bats hunt insects for a living and they're blind so you know they're pretty damn good at it. Right? It was like my "guardian bat". As I thought these happy thoughts about this bat it worked like a charm and I fell into a deep sleep, finally.

Because I fell asleep thinking so hard about this bat I ended up having a dream about it. I dreamt that me and this little guy were buds and he would come and cuddle with me as I slept, to keep warm, and get up and fly around again to keep my apartment clean of insects. As the dream went on I taught the bat how to speak English and got him a job as an exterminator. I basically brought him into society and made him a full on taxpayer. We were best buds/roommates and lived happily ever after. WEIRD HUH?!

I pretty much feel like I'm one with bats now. I think I'm gonna call up Bruce Wayne to share bat stories and maybe see if I can fight a little crime with him or something.