My First Sniglet

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray oh Lord my soul to keep
And as I slumber with dreams of Pooh and Piglet,
I pray my band doesn’t gang up on me with a singlet.

I knew it was coming. Like a freight train speeding out of control. It was as inevitable as the sunrise on a new day, and sure as the Earth keeps on spinning, I was destined to become its next victim.

You see, its power corrupts all who encounter it. It IS bound and determined to GET you. It compels those around you. Yes, you’re not even safe from your closest loved ones, who once infected by its evil forces and unyielding ways, will turn on you with a voracious wrath so horrifying, that God himself would cringe and cower with disgust at such an atrocity. Why even that little stunt with Noah’s Ark and all the rain destroying the Earth seemed as mild as Johnson’s baby shampoo in comparison.

The spooky part about the whole thing though is that you are completely unaware of the evil that is about to happen to you. Oh you poor unsuspecting soul, so peacefully in the midst of one of your most precious commodities, SLEEP! And yes this is when it comes for you, like the Grimm Reaper who’s come to gather his quota, it awaits for just the right moment to strike. With a swift and crushing upheaval into the deepest, darkest regions of the nostril, desecrating REM and scattering all of those poor innocent sheep who were once so happily jumping that logged fence betwixt the two lovely Oak trees in the rolling hills covered with tall wispy blonde grass. BAAAAAAA! BAAAAAAA! “Sheep where are you going…come back, come back.” But it’s too late. Your nasal passage has just been violated like that scene from the movie Deliverance. Reamed by a little twisted up paper towel whose sinister power and corruption rival Golem’s ring.


Your eyes burst open wide with a look of fear so cold that it would turn one to stone. Your arms, in response, simply reacting, wildly thrashing about to just get it away, and that’s when you hear it. Annoys, no, I mean A NOISE so scary that some even let out a terrifying shriek so loud it could deafen a Kiss concert. It’s a horrible sound, so awful that I can’t give it justice in words. For it is laughter. Yes laughter. Everyone around you, everyone you thought you could trust. Everyone that would tell you “I got your back man” and they are ALL standing around you. Huddled in a circle with a video camera, LAUGHING! And you….you, you little innocent bysleeper have a very, very dry nostril.