To build on Ravi C. Laird's literary submission, "You are What You Eat," let's explore which foods are MANLY and Unmanly... and which foods are Androgynous. When performing my meticulous speculation, previously I had hypothesized that there were only two categories of foods, manly and unmanly, but with further stabs in the dark I came to the conclusion that some foods could be hermaphroditic. Below is a brief list:
Manly foods
- Steak
- Burgers
- Baked Potato
- Prime Rib
- Barbeque Ribs
- Freedom Fries
- Iceberg lettuce salad with an unripe tomato wedge
- Beer
- Easy Mac with Hormel Chili
Unmanly foods
- Quiche
- Cottage cheese
- Baby Greens Salad
- Tofu
- Tempeh
- Rosemary red potatoes
- Yogurt
- Chocolate Mousse
- Pina Colada with Umbrella (anytime of the day)
- Pina Colada without umbrella (but after 6 PM)
Androgynous foods
- Pasta with marinara or alfredo sauce
- Pork chops
- Coca cola
- Homemade Macaroni and cheese
- French fries
- Pizza
- Salmon
- Chicken
In subsequent submissions I will explore the health effects of eating manly, unmanly, and androgynous foods.
8 comments:
Wes - could you please help me out with the following foods? I need to ensure that I'm not feeding my husband anything that will emasculate him.
Hummus, Tofurkey, Oatmeal, Cat Head Biscuits (aka drop biscuits) and string cheese.
Thanks,
Kristin.
Kristin, the only food on this list that will leave your husband MANLY is string cheese. Tofurkey... definitely Unmanly. The rest you risk the chance of creating a hermaphrodite... not that there's anything wrong with that.
Wes - thanks for your insight...your wise words enabled me to finally throw away the package of Tofurkey that Crystal left in our fridge last year.
Mike's walking around the house eating string cheese now.
Wes, depending on how you categorize the following food items, we'll know if you're the real deal or simply full of beans.
Shrimp Creole
Chicken Gumbo
Fried Catfish
Crawfish Etouffee
Hush Puppies
Answer carefully, Master-san. Your credibility as an expert food classifier depends upon it.
Oh, and since we're on the subject of beans...how about these?
Green Beans
Garbanzo Beans
Refried Beans
Black Beans
Boston Baked Beans
Navy Beans
Lima Beans
Wax Beans
Pinto Beans
Fava Beans (with a nice chianti)
Snap Beans
Gotta run...Lieutenant Dan is coming...
Mike
huhhhhhh...
what have i started?
here we go:
Shrimp Creole-Manly
Chicken Gumbo-Manly
Fried Catfish-Manly
Crawfish Etouffee-Androgynous (because the French name, fairly manly food tho)
Hush Puppies-Androgynous
Green Beans-Manly
Garbanzo Beans-Unmanly
Refried Beans-Manly
Black Beans-Unmanly
Boston Baked Beans-Manly
Navy Beans-Androgynous
Lima Beans-Unmanly
Wax Beans-Um.
Pinto Beans-Androgynous
Fava Beans (with a nice chianti)-Manly
Snap Beans-Unmanly
Kristin:
I can't believe you still had that tofurkey after all this time! I would beg to differ with Wes on its classification. If you were still feeding it to Mike nearly a year after it was first opened, I must say for him to consume it, all green and molded, would cause it the one-time jump from un-manly to VERY manly!
CRT
Mike you forgot soy beans, and how've you beens
Well, Ravi, I'd be smashingly well had I not decided to eat the year-old tofurkey in the back of the fridge!
Seriously, though, sorry we missed you guys this time around but we're looking forward to your next visit in July.
Have a great time on the road!
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